Anxiety, it takes over your life. You wake up every morning in fear that you will die, or someone you love will die. Everyday you feel you are gasping for breath, and everyone around you is wondering why you are taking such harsh, deep , long breaths. You feel no one understands, because they don’t. They wouldn’t understand unless the felt everything you felt. The feeling of being a burden, of being alone, that feeling that everyone loath’s you, that no one cares. Sometimes you can walk into a cinema, excited to see the move, a diet coke in your hand and popcorn by your side, you could be with the person you love the most but when the lights go down, the anxiety comes. “You are alone” it says, “There is no way out”, you run out looking for exits, trying to breath, trying to catch your breath. People always say “if you want to talk, I am here”, okay you are there, but when i try to talk to you about “this stuff” it somehow always goes back to how you are feeling, “oh I completely understand, I was feeling like that last week”. You felt this pain, this gut wrenching pain? last week? No. You hold your breath whenever the anxiety has completely taken over, because if you breath everything might come out, that wouldn’t be good. You walk away from the people you were holding your breath beside, and you gasp for breath. School, work or college, people say they understand if you need time off, but when you miss a maths class, you are behind and no one cares because it was “your choice to take time off”, you are behind on work, it is consuming you, but no one cares because it was “your choice to take time off”. Someone asks you are you okay, you want to cry, you want to tell them everything, but you do not because that would be too much of a burden on them, you laugh and say “hahaha yeah I am fine, jeez are you”, crack a joke because laughing hides it all. You don’t want to hide it all, but you do, you hold your breath.
This is anxiety, my anxiety