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anxiety, Baking, Photography, Uncategorized

Crunchie Chocolate Chunky Cookies

These are delicious, chunky cookies that I make all of the time! Baking is a great stress reliever and so I would recommend you make these 

Prep: 15 minutes                                          Cooking time: 12 minutes 

Ingredients                                                 200g Crunchie Chocolate (Cadburys)                                             200g Milk Chocolate (Cadburys)     200g unsalted butter                               300g caster sugar                                       1 large egg                                                    325g self-raising flour 


Method                                                           Preheat oven to 180 degrees/ Gas mark 4.  Line two baking trays with grease proof paper.  In a bowl, cream together the butter and sugar until pale and fluffy. Add the egg and beat until smooth. Gradually add the flour until well combined, then add the squares of chocolate. Divide into balls and squash them down gently onto the baking trays. Leave plenty of space between each cookie. Bale for 12 minutes. Serve with vanilla ice cream ! 


KLDowney

 


Uncategorized

My Future Godchild

This is a special post for my future godchild.

Today June 1st 2017 I found out your beautiful mother, my amazing aunt, was pregnant with her 2nd beautiful baby. I can not express the happiness that I felt knowing that in 6 months I would have a beautiful new baby cousin, whom would also be my godchild. My godchild. Well my godchild, I hope you read this some day and know that I love you more than love can love itself and I promise I will be the best godmother I can be…. like ever! I should I also let you know I’m mentally insane, just like your auntie niamh, and I will embarrass you at some stage in your life but you’re just gonna have to go with it!(just as I did with my beautiful godmother).

As much as you’re gonna be a lucky kid because you’ll have the best older sister, the best auntie, the best cousins, a decent godmother and amazing parents! You won’t have meet the person that we all loved more than anything ever in the world, granny Cathy. But she’ll love you so much kid and she will, I promise you, she will be with you every step of the way all day everyday! And if that doesn’t freak you out I don’t know what will!:))I promise to also be there with you all day every day, I promise to love you even when you’re crying( yeah even when you’re crying). I promise to protect you and remind you how incredible you are to me and how you brightened my life, yes I do already know this even though it’s June 1st 2017! I love you kiddo and I can’t wait to meet my new best friend,

Godmother x

KLDowney



anxiety, Uncategorized

Anxiety, My Anxiety

Anxiety, it takes over your life. You wake up every morning in fear that you will die, or someone you love will die. Everyday you feel you are gasping for breath, and everyone around you is wondering why you are taking such harsh, deep , long breaths. You feel no one understands, because they don’t. They wouldn’t understand unless the felt everything you felt. The feeling of being a burden, of being alone, that feeling that everyone loath’s  you, that no one cares. Sometimes you can walk into a cinema, excited to see the move, a diet coke in your hand and popcorn by your side, you could be with the person you love the most but when the lights go down, the anxiety comes. “You are alone” it says, “There is no way out”, you run out looking for exits, trying to breath, trying to catch your breath. People always say “if you want to talk, I am here”, okay you are there, but when i try to talk to you about “this stuff” it somehow always goes back to how you are feeling, “oh I completely understand, I was feeling like that last week”. You felt this pain, this gut wrenching pain? last week? No. You hold your breath whenever the anxiety has completely taken over, because if you breath everything might come out, that wouldn’t be good. You walk away from the people you were holding your breath beside, and you gasp for breath. School, work or college, people say they understand if you need time off, but when you miss a maths class, you are behind and no one cares because it was “your choice to take time off”, you are behind on work, it is consuming you, but no one cares because it was “your choice to take time off”. Someone asks you are you okay, you want to cry, you want to tell them everything, but you do not because that would be too much of a burden on them, you laugh and say “hahaha yeah I am fine, jeez are you”, crack a joke because laughing hides it all. You don’t want to hide it all, but you do, you hold your breath.

This is anxiety, my anxiety

KLDowney 

anxiety, Photography

Happy Place

Everyone has a happy place. I have two happy places.

Photography 

My first happy place I discovered when I was around 12 years of age, photography. Even though it is not a place, it is metaphorically , my happy place. When I take out my purple Nikon Coolpix camera to snap a shot of a landmark ,or a beautiful image in general, it makes my feel full. There is no way to describe it apart from my happy place. My happy feeling, an exciting, bright, fulfilling feeling. Showing people my pieces of art is the only confident thing I have ever done. At the moment I have two photographs on my wall in my bedroom, and for that reason, when I am anxious or low I will most likely go to my room. Looking at those photographs reminds me of that happy, exciting , bright and fulfilling feeling. My mood does not change instantly, my photos are not miracle workers unfortunately, but I can feel that happiness fill my body, knowing that this filling of anxiety will leave me.

 

    Grandmother’s Home 

My grandmother’s home is the most beautiful and calm. It sits just opposite the beach, when I wake there in the morning I wake to open the curtains and see the tide flowing in. There is no signal in my grandmothers, which is a bonus in my opinion.I am fully isolated from the “other world”, nobody can reach me to tell me such and such said this about such and such (aka gossiping). My only problem is the biggest part of my happy place is missing, my grandmother. A  month ago she lost her battle with cancer. I was as close to her as any grandchild and grandmother could be, except closer. She was my emergency contact, my shoulder to cry on and the person I bitched about people most with. She was the least judgmental, most caring, compassionate, beautiful , funny and kindest person I have ever known and will ever know and I know there will always be a major part of me missing as she is not around. My grandmother was diagnosed with cancer on the 10th of December 2016, she died on the 17th of January. Lost her battle within 5 weeks pf diagnoses. The horrible fact is I only found out she had cancer 2 weeks before she died. 2 weeks. The week before I found out, I was given the opportunity to spend 4 days with her in my happy place. I declined. To study for exams. That 4 days I could’ve gotten by her side in my happy place. Spend as much time as you can with your loved ones, you will never know when their time is up.

KLDowney